Written evidence submitted by Crystal

1. I’m submitting evidence because I'm an ex prostitute. I had two separate experiences of prostitution I guess… the first was when I was pimped by an incredibly abusive boyfriend, the second when I’d escaped, was addicted to drink and drugs and messed up from what had happened to me – I went back to the familiar and worked in a brothel and as an escort. I wish to remain anonymous because I have finally managed to piece together some version of a normal life, which has involved keeping my past private. I can't handle the judgment or vitriolic abuse that would come my way if I outed myself. I know several women who have been taken apart by the pro sex industry lobby and it's enough keeping my head above water sometimes without that. I also have family now who need protecting.

2.               I first wound up in prostitution, aged 21, courtesy of my then 'boyfriend'. I now use the term 'pimp', but then, things were one big mash-up of confusion. No neon flashing warning light proclaimed him to be a beast. He was charming, attentive. In the beginning. Then followed a slow, insidious slide into hell - the abuse first verbal, then physical and sexual. Other men became involved. He was nasty - but then he was nice. Did I say it gets a little confused? I became isolated - seeing friends caused arguments - so the only version of the truth I heard was his. Which was that how he treated me was my fault. And that I was such a screw up I was lucky to have him. Feeling screwed up anyway, I thought: maybe he's right.

3.               I started drinking more, using drugs. When I was using it felt like it didn't hurt so much, what he did to me didn't matter, and I didn't either. I started numbing out, dissociating. Sometimes when he was shouting or beating me it was like I wasn't there at all. Sometimes I could hear him shouting but there was really no one there. I started getting blackouts, I started splitting. I ceased to feel like 'me'. Instead it became 'we', a collection of different personas and headspaces which lacked continuity. Things got fragmented. I lost blocks of time. I had the sense that I had lost something critical - myself. In the mirror, empty eyes looked back. I was scared I'd be sectioned if I told anyone. With bruises to hide, feeling beyond crazy, I hid at home. He came and went as he pleased, like normal.

4.               Being pimped, being prostituted, the abnormal becomes normal. He used videos and magazines to desensitise me. Once naive, now nothing shocked me. Giving a blowjob became as usual as making a cup of tea had been in my former life. All the boundaries I had taken for granted - the ability to control what happened to my body, the right to say no - were demolished. I was locked in a room, sold to stranger after stranger. Sometimes I was taken places to have sex with groups of men, sometimes they came to the house. 'Gangbangs' were horrendous. That is, of course, an understatement - but for some things, language runs out. The threat of violence was constant. If I 'behaved', maybe he wouldn't beat me. Today, anyway. Goals shift and mine was survival. I did what I had to do, presented a smiling front when I had to. Pain was a constant, both mental and physical. My body always hurt - from the beatings, from the constant rough fucking and blow jobs. But the head stuff's harder in the long term. I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - sometimes I couldn't move, sometimes I couldn't speak, I got flashbacks and nightmares - when I slept at all. I still have this, and it's been over almost 9 years.

5.               Escaping was terrifying, and the punishment for the previous attempt left me unable to walk anywhere for some while. When I did get away I was a car crash. I was completely fucked up, and an addict. I needed money, I felt like I belonged on my hands and knees servicing men, so I went back, first as an escort, then after being assaulted, in a brothel - thinking it might be safer. It wasn't. You can't make prostitution safe. A nice room and clean bedspread changes nothing. The violence and hate are part of the transaction. If the johns valued you they wouldn't be using you as a collection of holes. Sometimes there was more than one john at a time, and you're naked and have no back up: he knows this. The madams aren't there for your protection either -they're just there to get their cut of the money. The more guys you see, the more extreme stuff you do, the more money for them. I was always skint, and never met any rich prostitutes - all the money went back into funding our habits or funding their 'boyfriends'. We lived chaotic lives.

6.               Prostitution went with the addiction – I couldn’t do it sober. I’m almost 9 years out, clean and sober and still in therapy, still with flashbacks and nightmares and struggling at times. Selling yourself, or being sold, is more painful than I can find words to describe. You lose yourself a bit at a time.

7. As a prostitute, I had no freedom to speak out. The only words I could say were that I loved it, what a dirty little whore I am etc – all lies. Now I am out I am safe and so finally free to tell the truth. I feel like society is constantly parroting the lies pedalled by the sex industry and, even if it’s just a whisper, I need to be heard. I’ve been hurt by prostitution, I’ve been completely crushed and I’m still trying to heal, and I need to be heard.

8. A change in the laws around the purchase of sex is vital. The introduction of the Nordic Model is essential. The provision of exiting services, a part of that model, would have made a massive difference to me. I was lucky to get out - there was no help available. Everything I've done since to try and heal has involved an uphill battle. I have to pay to get therapy. The current prostitution model totally ignores the fact that prostitution exists because of demand. If punters knew they could get criminal records, which would lift the lid on what they had been doing, it would act as a deterrent. Johns currently know they are safely hidden from public view or disgrace. It would also send a message that buying women is not okay and we won’t tolerate it.

9.               Changing attitudes to prostitution would enable women like me, who have exited, or are trying to, to reach out. The law needs to recognise prostitution as violence against women. Even now I'm out of it, it's hard to heal when society's view of prostitution is that it's inevitable, that it's just work, just a financial transaction. Prostitution is not about empowerment, liberation of women, a woman's right, something to be protected. It is the end of women's rights! It's about power, men's power over vulnerable women and girls.  Being penetrated by stranger after stranger, them whispering unpleasant things in your ear, laughing if they hurt you, does something to you. This isn't 'work'! It's abuse.

10. Women who get into prostitution largely do so through lack of choice – financial worries, addictions, pimps, mental health issues. The sex industry always uses a few women as mouthpieces proclaiming how wealthy they are, that they choose it and love their ‘work’ and are no victims… even if one argued that this were true for some women (and I would argue that this oversimplifies things – again, in what society is a woman’s best economic choice to be fucked over and over and over for the entertainment of paying men?) it is not generally the case. It’s a flawed argument.  Even if some women do choose prostitution, it does not mean it is not harmful. The evidence that prostitution is harmful is hard to dispute.

11. It's the demand that drives prostitution. Bottom line is, if you crack down on the johns, make what they're doing illegal, rather than focussing on the woman, prosecuting someone already being abused, you can end the demand. End the slavery. Despite what the johns claim, we're not there cos we like it. We're there cos we're desperate - for money, for drugs, whatever. I was, and the women I met were in the same boat - no exceptions.

12. And to those who would toss this aside and dismiss me, who would argue against the law change for prostitution, I ask - would you be happy if it was your sister, your wife, your mother or your daughter being used this way?